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The neon VAC N Y sign crackled as it struggled to stay illuminated.Roxane Gay, Charleston, Illinois, July 2014 Mold patterns covered the stucco walls in dark green and black formations. The Blue Desert Inn looked abandoned, forgotten. As we crossed the California border, I sat up and said, “I really hate you,” but I held on to my sister’s arm, too.
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I curled into the door, pressing my cheek against the glass. “Don’t make me go alone,” Carolina said, her voice breaking.Īn hour later, we were on the interstate, heading east. Spencer covered his face with a pillow and mumbled something we couldn’t understand. She smelled like hair spray and perfume.Ĭarolina kissed the back of my neck.
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Her skin was damp and strangely cool, like she had been running in winter. When we didn’t answer, Carolina let herself in, barged into our bedroom, and crawled in next to me. He shook me but I groaned and rolled away.
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My relationship with Spencer left a lot to be desired for many reasons, not the least of which is that he spoke only in movie lines, thinking this made him more credible as a cinephile. I was asleep, my boyfriend Spencer’s arm heavy and hot across my chest, when Carolina knocked. I didn’t want to go to Nevada so she stayed and they remained married but lived completely apart. Carolina doesn’t like to be told what to do and she wasn’t going to leave me. He didn’t need to work being married to my sister but he was inconsistently old-fashioned about the strangest things. She said, “There’s not much you can do with men but he won’t mess with you, I promise.” She was right.ĭarryl decided to move to Nevada, better prospects he said, and told Carolina she was his wife, had to go with him. When I told my sister she laughed and shook her head. Carolina usually wasn’t home from her volunteer job yet so I’d wait for her and watch television and drink warm beer while Darryl, who couldn’t seem to nd work, stared at me, telling me I was a pretty girl. I’d visit them after my classes at the local university. When they nally moved out, Carolina and Darryl lived in a crappy apartment with pea-green wallpaper and a balcony where the railing was loose like a rotting tooth. My mom called it getting on their feet but they spent most of their time in bed so I assumed getting on their feet was a euphemism for sex.
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Darryl, her husband, was a decade older but he had a full head of hair and she thought that meant something.
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I said, “What does that have to do with me?”Ĭarolina married when she was nineteen. My sister decided we had to go see her estranged husband in Reno. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available for this title.įor di cult women, who should be celebrated for their very nature CONTENTS Printed in the United States of America FIRST EDITION West 14th Street, New York, NY 10011 or įirst Grove Atlantic hardcover edition: February 2017 Any member of educational institutions wishing to photocopy part or all of the work for classroom use, or anthology, should send inquiries to Grove Atlantic, 154 Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Scanning, uploading, and electronic distribution of this book or the facilitation of such without the permission of the publisher is prohibited.
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No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Cover design by Becca Fox and Cindy Hernandez Cover photograph © Rob Webb/GettyimagesĪll rights reserved.